Round 2- 6 weeks to make this happen.

okay, so rather than go back into my old journal, i figured i have to COMMIT to doing this properly in order to get the results i need, so here i am back on this diet and i really need to focus!!

start weight- 117
goal weight- 105

now i been in chicago for the last few months and im heading back to NY and with the great weather coming up there is no way i can go back feeling the way i do- fat and frumpy.

worse than all that i feel so out of control! I had posted up here a while ago saying i was on the diet, but one thing led to the other and i honestly lost control. I dont have much social interaction right now with anyone that i can use for support, so its easy to just do whatever and be all chubby and no one cares. That makes it rougher.

I have been "on" the diet since monday, but havent done a single thing right.... so i really havent been on the diet cuz i havent been commited to control and thats my own problemo really.

So i know this site doesnt get much traffic anymore, but i dont mind- i just need a place to write my thoughts, celebrate my successes and deal with my weak days. All support/feedback/ watever is always welcome so please come with me on my journey. I have a good 6 weeks and i would like to lose 10 lbs. I think i still have time to make that goal happen reasonably at 1-2 lbs/week

Today i was bad. but i need to write it here so that i can face it and not forget it.
breakfast- 2 kinda oily flat breads with goat cheese
lunch- 1 muffin, another 3 tsp scoops of goat cheese (love that stuff), 5 dinner rolls (oh dear)
dinner- 2 scrambled eggs, 1 dinner roll, 1/4 cup salted almonds
dessert- 4 home baked oatmeal and raisin cookies

wont even consider bites here, i know that its bad, but im just writing it to get it out of my head and onto a record at how much a realistically ate.

Just been feeling so crappy about my out of control-ness, but its all changing now. its over and done with, moving on with it with a new journal and new motivation.

Today i bought a fish to keep me company beta fish are the easiest pets ever.

Welcome back tea it's funny you welcomed me to the site back in January. I'm glad your back

i know i know... ugh this weight drives me crazy.
im glad that this site is getting so much more life recently! the more the merrier, and having a support group really makes this easier on everyone.

Welcome Back Teaismyhappyplace!

You are one of the threads that I originally followed when I was just a lurker. I am so glad to get to interact with you. You can do this. I was just like you. Out of control. Things have changed for me and they will for you too. We are here for you.

Take care,

Readyforchange

im so glad to hear you say that readyforchange. i'm always hereeee.

To be totally honest- my gaining the weight after jumping off this diet last summer was 100% all my fault- there was a lot of cheesecake and BBQ at the beginning that im not proud of.. ha. So please, whoever is reading this, dont be discouraged seeing someone who was on this diet, made it thru, and then have to come back. Its not the diet's fault- its stress + a binging habit i seemed to have picked up somewhere's fault!!

Anyway-- I know that I can do this, I got down to my BEAUTIFUL goal weight of 105 last summer rather fast after starting from something like 126 (and that was with alot of ups and downs too), so i know as long as i stay focused and i stick to it and dont stray i will make it down to my goal in the time i have, i just have to be forgiving with myself and not be so harsh emotionally when i fail.

so i had a slight mishap today (about 20-25 bites, not huge, but still not stuck to my goal the way i had aimed), BUT i went for an hour and a half walk just now to clear my head, refocus, enjoy the weather, and burn some calories (maybe we can chop off like 2 of those bites?? eh? eh?!) it certainly helped (and i walked to target and got a tank top for 4 bucks on sale so it was a good trip tee hee).

i weighed in before my walk 118.5 AFTER my naughty eating behavior and in the middle of the day.... so perhaps without my fatty-ness im 117?? i have no idea- but that is NOT as bad as i had originally thought. i was fearing a 123 or something on an empty stomach. I needed to stop being a fraidy-cat and just jump on the scale and deal with it. I now know definitively that i need to lose probably a good 10-12 lbs in total (NOT THE END OF THE WORLD). if i lose 10 in 6 weeks ill be happy and usually i lose about 2 lbs/week if i behave myself so i know that with focus ill be able to hang tough thru it and be fine.

welcome back tea you can do it

i was also supposed to start doing perfect 5 bite from monday but struggling last few days but tomorrow is a fresh start!