Blaqpepa's Journal

Welcome back girl.. I am happy you are back.. no worries on mishaps.. life is to short.. tomorrow is another day love. yay you are back.. xoxo

Welcome back! Its ok to start out with 28 bites! No worries there! It took me weeks and weeks to get to 10 bites!

Thanks ladies, I'm glad to be back. Even if I haven't been sticking to strictly 5 bites, I'm really glad I'm counting. It's helping put things into perspective for me.

So today was day 2, and I woke up feeling a lot more confident cause I weighed myself this morning, and had lost weight. A little, but it's still something! Yay.

Breakfast: low cal hot chocolate with 3 bites of banana bread, and 4 bites of carrot cake
Lunch: Nothing
Afternoon snack: watermelon cubes
Supper: 8 bites of gammon, potato salad, and mixed green leaves
Dessert: 7 bites of Tin Roof Ice Cream - WOOPS, AND YUMM!!!!
Total Bites: 22 Bites

Better than yesterday's 28, and if I keep this trend up, i'll be at 10 total in no time YAY!!! I need to work on dessert though, once again I wasn't really hungry by then, but just couldn't help myself.

I also had a long thought about why I keep sabotaging myself, and I realised that the reason I'm afraid to lose weight is because of men's reactions. I was abused as a teen, and was sexualised to no end by men, young and old, due to my very large bust size (I was a DD by 14) and that's part of what triggered my binging. I felt safer the bigger I got. I even got a breast reduction at 18 to "help" take away any ounce of attraction I might get, even at an obese size.
I'm married and am a mother now, but apparently, my teen years still haunt me quite a bit. And the more weight I lose, the more anxiety I have about it, and the more I seem to sabotage my efforts.
I'm hoping just being aware of this, and not suppressing these memories, or being in denial about why, will help me get over this sabotage, and I will lose all this weight, and be done with it for good.

Day 1 - 26/12 - 68.5kg (151lbs)
Day 2 - 27/12 - 68.2kg (150.3lbs)

Oh Honey hugs.. I wish for you to let it out to get it out.. hugs hugs hugs.. xoxoxo

I'm sorry that happened to you!
You are doing well to give a voice to it, recognize it, and move on.
Your bites are great! You are right, you'll be down to 10 bites a day in no time!!!

         

Blaquepa, hang in there girl! More bites is ok. The good thing is that you are being accountable and jotting your bites down, that is a good part towards losing weight!

Today was not a great day for me. A bit all over the place emotionally, but I'm doing better now after a bowl of icecream.. not really, but I was hoping the ice cream would do the trick    Gosh, i really need to stop eating ice cream after supper. Weight wise, I'm pretty happy today, went down a little bit again.

Breakfast: low cal hot chocolate
Lunch: 5 bites of a venison salami & mayo sandwich (yummmmmm)
Snack: watermelon
Supper: 10 bites of maas and puthu (south african food)
Dessert: 7 bites of Tin Roof ice cream.
Total Bites: 22 Bites

I'm not very talkative today, thank you for your support ladies. Apparently I have a lot of stuff to get through emotionally that I thought I dealt with ages ago. I really don't want to go into 2014 with baggage from 10 years ago, on top of all this weight. ugggggg

Day 1 - 26/12 - 68.5kg (151lbs)
Day 2 - 27/12 - 68.2kg (150.3lbs)
Day 3 - 28/12 - 68kg (149.9lbs)

I am with you on this one love.. I have a idea for your nightly ice cream fix.. how about you cook up half a apple with some cinnamon.. just a few minutes.. then put a spoon of ice cream on top.. this way your you can have your ice cream with some fibre and you wont feel so bad as the calories are fare much lower? Just a thought.

Have you ever watched The Secret? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQ332PWDGpo If so go and watch it again .. I love to watch it when I am getting down to remind myself that all will be ok and I just have to face forward. Maybe you will like it? I like you had very many problems with men and sexual abuse.. hugs honey.. Even at 45 I still have to say no thank you. Honey you are in control, not them.. You are the bright light!! Take back your Self and get to it lovely Lady.. xoxoxoxo

Happy Saturday Xo   

Blaqpepa, we've got to get serious about putting the past behind us. Your weight is looking great. I am so proud of you for embarking on this journey with us...it's not for the weak at heart. Just by committing to this, you are exhibiting your power and strength as a warrior princess. I believe in the warrior within you. You can do this!!!! Things will get better and you will overcome!!! Love and hugs to you as you battle on!!!
            

Wieght is going down!  

Well.... the past couple of days have not been good for me. I always start the day well, having my 5 bites at lunch, but then the evening comes, and I've dealt with so much during the day that I just eat, and not care. Not full out binges, but not being mindful, and definitely not counting.
I'm promising myself to stick to 10 total bites tomorrow. I think it'll be significant for me to end 2013 on a good note, doing things right, without giving up on myself, so that I can start 2014 in a positive way, without letting my past and other issues get in my way.

Thanks so much for all your kind words ladies. I know I am stronger than I have been this past week, I just seem to have forgotten. Somehow getting to another year end without having reached my goal weight, and not having reached other goals I had set for myself seems to have opened the floodgates for all my other issues. But I won't let myself carry all this into the new year. I'm going to finish strong!

I hope you all finish 2013 strong, and have a super blessed 2014!!

Day 1 - 26/12 - 68.5kg (151lbs) - 28 bites
Day 2 - 27/12 - 68.2kg (150.3lbs) - 22 bites
Day 3 - 28/12 - 68kg (149.9lbs) - 22 bites
Day 4 - 29/12 - 67.7kg (149.2lbs) - didn't count bites
Day 5 - 30/12 - 67.7kg (149.2lbs) - didn't count bites

I think you are going to do great girl.. wahoo.. you are on your way 2014 here we go!!!

You are doing great!

I'm ready to put 2013 behind me and move on to 2014!

We can do this together!!!

So, not counting bites the past 2 days finally showed its consequences. I gained all the weight i lost this past week back
I'm just ready for 2013 to be over, cause I started the day off great, and ended supper on a bad note, and ate WAAAYYYY past full

I've been drinking grapefruit chia fresca which has helped curb my appetite, but i still overdid it

Breakfast - chia fresca
Lunch - 5 bites muesli & yogurt with chia seeds
Snack - 2 plums
Supper - 13 HUGE bites of homemade mince tortillas

Day 1 - 26/12 - 68.5kg (151lbs) - 28 bites
Day 2 - 27/12 - 68.2kg (150.3lbs) - 22 bites
Day 3 - 28/12 - 68kg (149.9lbs) - 22 bites
Day 4 - 29/12 - 67.7kg (149.2lbs) - didn't count bites
Day 5 - 30/12 - 67.7kg (149.2lbs) - didn't count bites
Day 6 - 31/12 - 68.3kg (150.3lbs) - 18 bites

Happy New Year lovelies!

You are still making progress,because you are still coming back and trying! I have so many failed and re-tried attempts, and that's what makes a success, to keep on going!    don't give up! I started at 80 bites and worked my way down to 20 and lost weight every week. You can lose weight on more than 10 bites for quite a while usually!

I am with Herb girl.. You are doing just great!!! Your getting back to it .. super great!!! Happy New years Eve!!

Happy New Year everyone!!!! Thank you for all your constant support. I hope this New Year is filled with an abundance of blessings for all of you and your families!!!!!!

After having had a bad last couple of days, I've decided to start over. I gained all the weight back that I lost, and a little bit extra.
So it's a New Year, and I'm starting it off with a New me. One that doesn't quit as soon as things get a little difficult, one who doesn't give up on herself, every...single...day!!!! One who commits, and sees things through to the end.

So today was day 1 of my 5 bite journey of 2014, and I've allowed myself 10 bites a day, and 1 serving of fruit if I'm really starving.

Breakfast: grapefruit chia fresca
Lunch: 5 bites of chocolate cola cake
Snack: mango
Supper: 5 bites of steak and salad
Total bites: 10 bites

I'm so proud of myself for sticking to 10 today. What a way to start the new year. YAY ME!!!!

Day 1 - 1/1 - 68.6kg (151.2lbs)

Great Job You.. 2014 here we are.. happy day 1

Yay for a fresh new start in 2014!

Yay, I'm so glad I stuck to 5 bites yesterday. I woke up with a good drop! Today wasn't as good, but still a lot better than it was the last few days of last year.

Breakfast: mixed berry chia fresca
Lunch: NOTHING
Snack: 2 nectarines & a few chips (not good)
Supper: 6 bites of roast chicken and salad
Dessert: 6 bites of a caramel swill roll mouse trifle (yumm but so not necessary)
Total Bites: 12 - I didn't count how many chips I had

Day 1 - 1/1 - 68.6kg (151.2lbs)
Day 2 - 2/1 - 68kg (159.9lbs)

Great job girl.. well on your way      

Great job getting back on plan!!! It is hard to do!!! When I go off plan, it takes me weeks to get back on. You are doing great!!!

Check your numbers on the date & pounds on 1/2.

I am sooooooooooo proud of you!!! Hang in there and keep on going!!!         

Today is my brother's birthday, and just coming back from dinner. Wow was that rough!!!!! I saved my bites for tonight, but I still struggled to stick under my 10 limit. I'm just hoping it didn't affect today's weight loss.
Oh well.......
Tomorrow I'm going back to be super strict. Hopefully eating lunch will eliminate all this snacking.
No more celebrations till my birthday on the 18th. So I have 2 weeks to get to my first goal weight of 65kg!
This year there will be no more quitting, I'll just do better the next day, and not throw in the towel indefinitely like I did last year.

Breakfast: mixed berry chia fresca
Lunch: NOTHING
Snack: 1 nectarine and a couple of chips AGAIN!!!! I need to stop snacking with my husband!!! uggggg
Supper: 10 bites of ribs
Dessert: 6 bites of black forest cake
Total Bites: 16 bites..... once again didn't count the handful of chips

Day 1 - 1/1 - 68.6kg (151.2lbs)
Day 2 - 2/1 - 68kg (159.9lbs)
Day 3 - 3/1 - 67.7kg (149.2lbs)

You are making progress! its going down!    

Great Job.. so great!